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The Hustle (2008) | Full Movie | Charlie Murphy, Al Shearer, Brigitte Nielsen, David Alan Grier

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hey y'all it's me

Reverend page you know Kwanzaa is just

around the corner and guess what I'm

about to drop my new CD it's called hey

man it's me Jesus let me kick you down a

little something from a single hey man

it's me

Jesus hey man it's me G the hangman is

me G the open up open up let me in

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see Megan ain't nobody here but the

roaches road stop guys you're here for

the trash trash man you better show your

wings wait for Roach stompers hit a

stump out some road just answer me dance

that was a one-time problem I will call

right now I'll cancel the monthly we

drove a long distance to get out you

better know something all right

and we're gonna kill some bug juice okay

wash horseflies okay

upstairs to your right you've got all

the bedrooms to your left the formal

dining room come here come come come

come and hear my living room

listen lady you ain't in there see y'all

homes

yeah it's always something different

like right now we're looking for the G

rollers T Roach was this approach this a

real G like Tupac and 50 yeah you can

shoot him with spray nine times and it

just won't die he'd do anything you can

smell it too

lady it's not a game the freshman junior

staying humble check upstairs

yes sir straight ahead to your left

officers you've got 20 minutes

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so the Lord is the answer no my brother

this is the answer join me Reverend page

every Sunday of my house of worship five

services started 6 a.m. dude no it's not

that's gross dude I'm telling you that

is dust okay yeah come on dad I found

the mother lode man Oh big old

paddleboats do it no it's not man this

is probably way to confirm yet the large

me how much it is dude

it's not you don't believe me no I don't

I don't know it's dust smell it you

smell it how dare you come in Deva messy

Bessy food fair and fancy talk doodoo on

Flo

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you

yeah we gotta go my damn face off we

gotta go look behind the couch that's

where all whoops wrong to win over

vacation in pants yeah what's up now

[ __ ] what's up oh look at me while I'm

doing it go let's go Oh what we mean

what I'm doing I do know what you don't

know what I do that just stole something

what you ain't still no which talked

minds do know so yeah I know you stole

something because I'm a kleptomaniac

just like you and just like you I was at

the meeting last night seeing you raise

your hand up

yes I'm afraid of the cap Dominion I'm

ashamed what I do

are you done - the King are you done now

that's probably yourself ready go maniac

projected with the big-ass titties

tonight

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this won't stop look at this man we look

ridiculous

this is embarrassed you get into the

head I got into the money wait 30 years

old 30 you see how to do wrong when he

returned what do they give first of all

you step tripping about huh

bro stop this thing that's that job

cause roof stompers we gonna eat as far

as the fake gold rose watches conceal

that watch was flat broke live off me

but we right I was trippin I was trippin

cuz I'm about to quit just now do you

know what you just reeled me back in hey

you deep get your ass out the truck

right

you got the same black even therefore

don't

oh damn man we're getting a ticket on

the roast truck I told at the park there

man cut cut cut cut comedy can't see all

this oh okay today you're gonna dig deep

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rich white woman

don't worry about what I got there from

give me $300 for it now that your friend

is gone

oh you bisexual oh that ain't necessary

if you can read the sign says no parking

Monday through Friday 8 to 6 9 to 12 Q

before midnight before Saturday's your

school go on put it on now I'm just

gonna tear them Tara

turn up there which badass like I said

each time for me hey crowd I'm sandwich

man this is my block only one you're

kind of trouble around here so why don't

you take it to the hood all right so why

don't you bite my bun mmm

you don't want no beef with me like a

board shake stress like a burger than

you do as a ropes

now Rob getting this little Asquith back

nap back hook today hey nobody broke no

battles baby professionals

what sauce I'd go back to Ebola

that's about that daijoubu ship here no

moto moto Nausicaa Satya hi

no more bugs please

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stop what's up my stop right

I got some family in the boot ain't

claimed no damn boot a hoot ain't

cleaning then the [ __ ] we do y'all like

the Four Tops i'ma call you out afford

chop okay

don't you worry about okay go ahead and

sign it right here one two and the three

go ahead you're not gonna sign we gonna

send the bill out to your house let me

worry about that what's going going here

about your stuff up

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right now smell like I got any money

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dude it's not the bed

don't you even stop the Batman come on

it was an accident man I'm your best

friend you junior something better gonna

kill me junior its best friends are your

best junior way my fault juniors always

your full tree they gonna kill me they

go cure you dude you do that me junior

something minute okay we're doing you

well I gotta worry about you know

waiting a tuxedo way guess you're next

will it work yeah get your ass in the

truck wait the money lost the money

which means that we and all this truck

followed it captive dumb moving on my

job dude you never hang out with you hey

Ted catch me I'm the gingerbread man

this healing time man infected with

devil sadness evil raishin in his head

hey mama me boy where you been and

where's your shoe I hope you ain't still

selling them fake George don't you get

too comfortable now I need you to go on

back there and check on Zoe she been

waiting on you all day I ready if you

don't get your ass out of here anybody

know you nobody call you if you don't go

I'm coming to help you get there now

that's crazy

yes he all right now you keep up with

the good work okay

you don't cast to bring you a special

report

listen [ __ ] just get my money I said

Ron we interrupt the Reverend paid

gospel hour with a breaking story money

reigned over downtown streets today as

lucky passers-by snatched

today sweetheart why you live so a [ __ ]

you alright well you know my man be

really thinking a lot of work lately you

know you should never let your lips get

that Ashley honey you can get sick like

that I'll get you some Vaseline for your

lips but you're too pale reckless get my

piano yet how am I supposed to be Alicia

Keys if I can't practice you have a

keyboard look at it did you ever see

Stevie Wonder complain about his

keyboard he's blind I'm working on I'm

gonna make it happen okay

right now you get some sleep as late you

got school tomorrow okay

daddy you bisexual Emma what are you

bisexual look bisexual know who talk

about sexual miss Clara did bisexual I

pay all that money to get them to teach

you something and she told you about

bisexual am i you didn't know about

sexual is then who is I'll tease

bisexual awful Junior's bisexual you

need to get paid in play I knew there

was something fishy about him it's a

little bisexual boy waiting just bust

out of him just ah okay but it's the

secret between me and you okay I'm off

the books pay you promise pinky promise

okay it's a brown sugar okay 9 mild

that's not miles this is miles this is

Miss miles missed you guys

I brought you in this world take you out

do you hear me Freddie

you gotta do better than what you're

doing Freddie you lost the bingo again

shut up and listen to me you got a

little girl then it loves you very much

Freddie and yes she's my granddaughter

and I don't mind taking care of her but

Zoe is your responsibility Freddie not

mine I'm trying you're a smart man

Freddie I know that because I raised you

that way do you hear me and now it's

time for you to make a life for you and

Zoe because I'm not gonna be around here

forever friendly talk like that but

listen I am serious Freddie do you hear

what I'm saying

serious I'm you impress this boy no baby

now listen what you need to do is put

God first and then get your life

together

do you hear me found some bikini drawers

in your dress-up or with Dookie stains

all they're like you've been flossing

your bond with them you know what you

know men don't wear drawers like that

and I'm not gonna be washing no drawers

of yours there's got if you are into

something and I found out about it

Freddie you know I will hurt you I will

hurt you because we don't do that kind

of stuff in this house because I know I

raised right a black man with the road

outfit ball and can you tell me what

happened here well you see he was some

kind of a bug man superhero

chief oh okay and you just caught a

bunch of money out of the sky like

somebody had a good day okay where did

this money actually come from a big-ass

roach just ran through here and then the

money came flying out of the room

no I don't know maybe it was the pimp

God all this money back your newfound

fortune are you gonna spend it are you

gonna keep it you're gonna save it

folder like this not included in my

pocket blessing from the same guy

police remain tight-lipped about today's

enticed but they are telling the public

to be on the lookout for this man thank

you

call your local police department in the

worry about an don't sell me x-man no

you ain't gonna hear like that you need

to get paid in prayer I'm talking to you

mister man is the devil your agent is

Satan no manager is the appabob you liar

I'm talking to you

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Jim he'll oh you must be the man they

sent as replacements Oh

exterminate

we got a huge bug problem we got roaches

crawling all through the aisles like

walking up on the poop trying to sing

what the cry even jumping into the

baptismal like it was a swimming pool in

holiday here scratches Christmas how

long will it take you to get rid of here

half an hour 30 minutes tops tops you

get some cough syrup okay

thank you son i'ma start we're gonna

leave you a podium

that's not a good ones under the poles

dreams that big I would well you know

they got is a Holy Ghost they got the

holy ropes man you see this wrong man

look at this man that's nice so one of

those real sequence try to stay home I

had on real sequence before she's all

over we gonna have to really you're

thorough over here man I wanna get

started with it show me what you got

demos okay

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okay not for the mayonnaise use the gel

you do it man went to the Waffle House

to the sky

please yourself any more sip what'd you

guys do to him anyway nothing sort of

confident I mean it was just like yeah

you know what are you even certified to

do CPR I just hope they didn't crack a

sternum yeah

just bone hey we got a roll anyway it's

not like he's dead right Big Mac you

bring a bed I don't believe we've

officially met brother Ephraim I'm

associate pastor here associate yeah you

know pastor hacker retires I'm next in

line and I'm the brothers gonna take

over this church so why are they call

for replacement ministers oh you know

sometimes the church can be a

complicated place your brother's just

getting the town yeah now must have been

a long trip from New York New York we

come from New York I'm just messing with

you look we'll figure all this out

tomorrow okay

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father

they say if he's gonna be alright

is he gonna be alright it's no wonder

all troubles and all this infighting and

and the bills what's really happening

would you guys do to him ministers of

God huh huh

can I have a word with you the boys no

around here uh yeah just got the town

today have I seen you guys before do you

never see me no they're our replacement

ministers that's right I heard you two

ministers saved Reverend hackers life

he's still got his DNA in his mouth

right in there I gave him mouth-to-mouth

all right welcome to the neighborhood

have you talked me you later

call me you see that good has got one

question

well your lips first pressed with

another man's lips now I won't talk

about what's the van in the van was

right here

man well how you lose the van ain't news

the band the band was that here somebody

must have stole it man was right here

let's find that singer later you got in

trouble with us who was a clause and

dokdo guess what you're fired

pilots no more doing work for Road

supper no more Alabama we work hard for

you for three years maybe you work hard

for Ali Baba you sit on your ass you

make up study you lie you're black thing

you didn't remember sir but it'd be loud

about them any line you need that you

know Ali Baba from backpack Baba see

your auntie you Ali Baba

[ __ ] me the Ali Baba won't you go eat

your nice big camel [ __ ] sin will you

get with mayo terrace it's NEX to me yes

I'm sorry I'm sorry

give me a break savvy - okay we family

we found me

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oh right now do you see things to do

yeah 5 min Ju the found it found it what

I could assign on a heat oh wait here

welcome to karate world hey I am hun mr.

Shima hollows first daughter

we're being expecting my name's Julia

Mama's person that means mr. Poli mr.

jr. do I look like I am nothing there's

no time for joke

my father's wiki anybody take me clothes

off okay

trip me and when Tina

look you girls know me to boot coupe you

don't want to mess with this come with

me hey what's up with the rose yeah oh

man that's bikini breeds me why y'all

doing stuff you back you you two black

birds are flying nests you've

disappointed us what do you know why

you're here

no no are you idiot see I told you would

have looked

the hell is that it's a fire this must

mean earliness [ __ ] I have seen

in my life hold on a minute rose what's

this all about - I don't know hey what

can i hey man it's a real nice place man

you hook this place overturn nests

produces many cracked eggs but the

squirrel the dandelion do you know a

group of hairstylist it is better to be

a chicken's head than an axes Rome what

the bumblebee swims at night a lot of

money this what we even faced with

danger he continues to live in the

Japanese culture huh

you steal from one store you steal from

all my stores we have you on the camera

camera my idea new generation you owe me

10,000 big one 10,000 big I'll come home

it was note it down Oh

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your money

I ain't think about it you know y'all

got small eyes you have a seven days to

return my money

seven and we do the final blow if not

two black birds fall from sky hit the

rock and don't forget we know where you

[Laughter]

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I'm on probation my fault and they gave

me got both of us man

you and me and we do both got the money

and kept the money both of us would've

spent the money $10,000 you ain't got

$10,000 ain't we in trouble it's your

fault no dessert right now but $10,000

ass whip people kill us me go me get out

my face

you you really mad at me man I am really

mad if I was no probation hey trust me

they'd be pulling me off you right now

so get the step you feeling focus to you

then leap to step up do it yes somebody

else dude I'll be waiting you didn't

even take the smack this blackness

losing the dojo and gently was smacking

your ass room six you didn't say it damn

danger you you ain't say now do you

[ __ ] just beauty blogger you did say no

amen time out time out

you got what they call the short memory

you can't beat me

that's it my god you're going back to

church maybe the choice it's always

preachers the most they're crazy man win

that preaches tomorrow it's gonna be 200

people in the church waiting to hear us

priests

waiting to give us damn money man

churches the world's greatest hustle if

that boom get my mom to see them fifty

dogs every month we can kind of church

one come on don't urges make thousands

dollars every Sunday hey sue yeah I got

a suit you're playing better work there

work man better work

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hi pastor good morning sister morning is

that your problem soon aren't you

talking about this a throwback it's

tight because it's couture did he get

the same Jack look I want to apologize

for yesterday we weren't properly

introduced I'm Niki Stevens past the Don

Cornelius but people call me Frank Don

Cornelius like the Soul Train dude or

Freddie I came a little bit early to

show you around in the mornings I

usually unlock and the offices and

today's 37 you know the one about God's

promised to restore his people like dry

bones coming to life you might want to

throw that in your sermon

Ezekiel yeah the guy who works down at

the car wash charge it to detailing down

on them you don't mean at Ezekiel do you

you told my somebody different yeah the

one in the Bible thank you oh you mean

Zeki oh it's pronounced Zeki Oh cuz the

ears has an accent over an easy kill are

you really a minister ordained I went to

school down in Mississippi

great Baptist University of Moses I've

never heard of that one it's real small

oh I see

brother Ephraim have you met pastor

Cornelius good morning brother

good morning Cornelius yeah you look

like you wouldn't know the latest dance

steps we met yesterday with the pastor

Hackman and the deacon where is he

Oh Oh Deacon Jones yeah he's for a

little bit late this morning he was up

on my lawn praying you know God is like

a crack house always open

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several Ligia said wear a suit bag this

is sue puny just give me a second I

gotta go meet with my disciples I don't

know you look very pretty today Nikki no

I take that back you are looking

beautiful today

Thanks Efram don't be acting like that

when I take over this church remember to

be blessed one must first be a blessing

what do you mean B this is flat okay me

I'm looking like a black dawn just good

prom with it

that's exactly right Junior and Miami

buddy's been off the air for 25 years I

ain't come here for that

okay go out and preach get that money

we're gonna go back pay these people and

go home okay that's it that's the plan

oh yeah we gonna be rolling in it

rolling

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no fool is the replacement ministers

swear kill you

I said can I get an amen pants is way

too tiny Church fool nut would love

loves just broken all around the imprint

his balls my baby I think that was for

me to say I don't think you're supposed

to be looking at balls like Turkey you

knew yeah now turn to do the same thing

to the other knee now I want everybody

in the church to see vegans don't suit

is the defecation looks like a

temptation soon the deputation hmm well

without further ado I'm bringing on

brother

[Applause]

praise the Lord Churchill this week is a

special week in the church giving that

next week is Easter Sunday and you can

purchase lilies for the altar through

our beautiful decorating committee and a

prayer group for Pastor hacker will be

meeting after the service now I was all

set to give the word today I said I was

all set to keep the word today I'm come

on Nathan sit on down and bring a new

ministers out who wants to hear the word

today

somebody anybody everybody wanna hear

the word today

stop stop on Upstate okay if that's how

you feel it is my pleasure to introduce

pastor dawn canoe yes

I need a sandwich for the congregation

you look lovely yes call me Reverend

pastor doctor good God

good God they both got a lot of teeth

gonna fill with the Holy Spirit

can you hear we're gonna talk about

Jesus you shipment

Kobe snatch it Gulf region i'ma talk

about Bobby your witness

bald-headed Britney oh I'm gonna talk

about Barack Obama and your baby's mama

should use the candidate safe what is

this Reverend run DMC preach the world I

like your style you are out there

misbehaving but in this church you'll

find your saving is good cuz God spoke

to me hey dude let me ask you a question

what do you do for the church yeah you

write me oh um well I want to cook for

the church but pastor hacker he said the

congregation is too small and I cook

anything mm-hmm

Fried Chicken candied yams um I can cook

anything you like especially for him I'm

miss Tanya oh and what about you brother

and the files are ready Jackie my name

is Derrick I got some musical abilities

hmm let's face it man this band saj and

no offense guys but I mean you know with

a little reefer we could really drop it

like it's hot in here

can you rabbit for the Reverend I can

rev it can you lean with it can you pop

bop bop with it I can rev it for the red

and what about you jr. Jamie on any

given Sunday can you bring it

googly goo you're gonna make it do what

it do huh evil Jamie it may be time to

take an offering

all right y'all reach for me booth sorry

I don't have any money on maybe nice

deep but don't be cheap I got something

big for the church Church don't put the

money in so thank you that's the

conclusion of our service and I've given

you the Holy Spirit and I was glad you

was here to hear it and I'd like to take

a moment for Pastor hacker I'm over the

silence you're like a tall glass of

water and I'm thirsty you did a

wonderful job up there today and you

wait till next week

Easter a lot of people gonna be here to

hear you preach we're gonna raise

$10,000 in seven days and y'all thinking

he's crazy

we gonna fix the ceiling paint the pew

light [ __ ] Jones now you know so we

will return here tomorrow night each and

every one of you with the five to ten

people

you gonna heal someone that's right

someone know peace

I don't want to join the church I won't

be long names Ben welcome brother Benny

let the church say what's all just

talking about healing somebody man we

can't heal nobody come to the back come

on squandered the [ __ ] Bianca bomb on

fire look this dog went too far I mean

we ought to be thinking about trying to

get out of here

you're talking about coming back

tomorrow man will you just chill out

where's the money we collected today he

gave it all today

Nicky woman about a honeybee that's it

I'm trying to take stupid today was only

the first day and next Sunday

well next Sunday is Easter we gonna be

rolling in the dough baby apparently

there have been several of our VIP

memberships bootleg in nature that were

purchased online

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these are platinum memberships so y'all

six in the front row gonna have to

vacate immediately

okay please don't please don't cause the

place

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it's healing time okay think about ever

since you put out the building fun

challenge is all the stuff that the

church needs you know like new song

books half the robes or moth-eaten in

the kitchen the refrigerator and the

stove don't worry I'm sorry sister

y'all don't need Jesus y'all need the

gene you're just so different they're

different like how like well I mean

you're funny you know and you loosen

most pastors are uptight stuffy and like

brother eats he flies either bugs I used

to do with bugs back in the day long

story

so everything okay I'll be here

fantastic sensation thank you very much

I'd like to see you on Sunday system

okay so why don't you tell me a little

bit about yourself what did you do

before this where's your family who are

you

I used to be in sales and then my family

moved to ruse and Lee so there's a

missing daughter and daughter she's with

my mama right now and her mother and

please don't tell me she's dead she is

cancer it was a long time ago we're over

and now it's just me my little girl now

so um what's your daughter like my

daughter like any other crazy kid always

hitting me up for stuff like right now

she wants a piano she wants to be Alicia

Keys I told you you can't be Janet Janet

just be popping out I don't want you

popping out to your 35 G's don't like

him out so Alicia Keys is what we ended

up with no it's a shame she's not with

you because we have a piano and I'm sure

she loved it I'm just not sure you guys

would love her playing so uh let's get

back to the list you can have one thing

on the list what would it be one thing

one thing but anything that's hard

oh this okay I got I do so many James

Price I've been doing up for years

so maybe whether or not just give her a

call and let her know what the hell's

going on here who out here has a gun she

ain't gonna call nobody excuse me

you don't even live around here you need

to shut your mouth when grown-ups are

talking

and don't bring it back around here dare

your face no more and you stop fighting

the front of my plate

yawns Anna can I get your hands off me

what's right here fire boy anyway she

thinks I want her boyfriend when he be

the one calling me all the time won't

you honey we're just trying to help you

one of those girls had it done you're

gonna get yourself killed out here

what's it to you little girl you got a

big-ass mouth

who are y'all anyway some kind of police

team or something

she ran you Stimpy who's that you know

we're just regular people from New Birth

Baptist Church people it figures like

you know my [ __ ] right sweetheart

I've been where you're at and back with

my sisters to save your lecture you need

to come to church and take a break from

hanging with these kids maybe I think

well you better think about it fast for

these girls whoop yo ass what you know

lice get a name Lord Jesus forgive me I

wasn't thinking I was just sinking kind

of church people all y'all what's your

name anyway a little bitty none of your

business

New Birth Baptist Church right down the

street I'll see you Sunday I no more

fighting tiny Tyson I'm a little

concerned about your behavior

tiny Tyson and I'm gonna whip your SS

ain't no doubt about a guy with a shovel

what have you lost your mind

some Asian people came here looking for

you this afternoon

why you heard what I said I said some

Asian people came here looking for you

now don't you play no games with me

Freddie

you got some explaining to do mama tell

me what have you gotten yourself into

now huh you remember huh we went to high

school to get a little hard like this

big look I got this video store now

right and I have written some karate

videos they must want to back that's all

this little problem nah but it didn't

look like a little problem to me Freddie

and it happened of all days today Sunday

the Lord's Day Freddie no no you don't

know why listen here Freddie

solve your problems or you get out okay

and don't think I don't know about you

losing your job down there bug Stoppers

his Roach stompers wait a minute

and another thing are you bisexual no

I'm not by section why you saying by

section because miss Clara down there

Joe in school told me that you bisexual

she said you came down there and he's

eating any bidding little shorts short

short shorts all up in your behind

she's a don't know by the way that kind

of stuff but bisexual man now you know

Freddie we don't deal with that kind of

stuff around here you hear me I'm

metrosexual what metrosexual they just

max I can wear mediums yeah look at

kanye west's metrosexual puffy

metrosexual Russell Simmons no I've got

metrosexual here don't play with me boy

ha just say sister I really have no idea

this is a trick to get us here on a

Monday night probably right right you

know baby you need to have a little

faith Mike Church's ever did anything

for me he messing with my halo minis now

you need to hush up why not you teach

the back of your mouth Digga chosen as I

promised we would be here to do a

healing I don't believe you believe me I

said tonight somebody gonna get Heat

[Applause]

the church has the spirit and I can feel

it those are promise it is by Easter

Sunday

you're witnessed three miracles God is

good god damn so with that I need a

volunteer from the audience you back me

yes you broke what's your name hey I'm

sorry speak up I couldn't hear your name

brother Frank come on Jesus what's the

story brother I see

that's incredible he's incredible ladies

and gentlemen this man's name is Frank

now Frank had his vocal cords severed by

an alligator on a vacation to Florida in

2004 worse he walks like this all bent

over because the Gator got a piece of

his tailbone had his leg is messed up

but God is good and he's feeling like

doing it healing over three nights the

night Wednesday and Friday we're gonna

heal this man but tonight he's gonna see

[Music]

you leave Frank how's that break do you

believe you can assist me up Deacon

Jackson if I could have you up here now

hold on to him now grab him in a bear

hug and don't let go

cuz that goes like let go and go

no just not him not him not him

telling guys holding circle because

strike strike strike take out the demon

baby t said how you feeling break feel

like singing I sing because

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

be shorter join Deacon Jones in myself

back here Wednesday night bring your

friends and your family for another

great feeling of spiritual healing

tonight I'll see you then

hi this is brother Ephraim from Bethel

yeah this is the council office right

I'd like to check on two replacement

ministers you sent us connealy Asst yes

like Soul Train and Jones come on I

ain't gonna work again every waste but

you know the dollar said yeah last night

you don't know people love you god bless

you and I came here straight from heaven

above heaven sister then it must be good

yes praise and praise pray you feel my

grandmother used to cook for everybody

and so I love to cook and and do you

love to eat you like breast me I love

Chris smother breasts

it's why the dress all yes like time I'm

looking first did I eat trays below what

we can do is have a Friday or Saturday

night cooking thing and that would

encourage people to come back on Sunday

so what do you need from me I just need

your blessing

well you get that system oh thank you

whoa whoa nipples are you know one more

thing

school program at school yes yes I've

been taking care of it me and other

girls we just need a man help us my son

Dean needs a father I mean a father

figure so they'll be here today at 3:00

day three today and three you can handle

that can't you

very funny

today's topic is any lives out there

everybody lies sometimes do you laugh

huh Deacon Jones and I love being here

too bro

like I see you ready fluence about it

sing them Chris Brown

but you can't sing you can't dance you

can't dress and you don't wear deodorant

there's only two lies that you could

tell and be forgiving for the first one

is it let's say you being chased by

Asian gang let's remember now the Asians

created dynamite and karate which

meaning is that if they chasing you they

gonna miss ya the other situation is if

you what they call a kleptomaniac Lois

forgive them because they can't help

themselves

do you know any kleptomaniac or snacked

I'm a deacon Deacon are you I'm a deacon

what attitude okay God wants you to be

prosperous and endure prosperity kick us

down summer for each $1,000

tax-deductible donation to our

institution you get back five thousand

dollars in prayer

I want to be smooth as a baby's butt you

got me old man

you do an area huh oh you got some good

hair Union in you let me flip it up a

little bit dear boy what tribe you from

the ball hit a trap my teachers been

missing for days yeah I'm just a dumb

video star she's a dog yeah and as we

know you see that beast of yes yes

deikun you've heard of David end of life

oh yes well I'm not gonna try to miss

that one we get you another dog

I'm officer this is officer this is oh

you like a dusty tarantula

hey Trudy to keep your eye open and I

look like it's reaching the Sun we

talked about your way think big is

hidden where Nick that we pose would be

intimidating

we know do you love love love the Lord

because he loved love loved you and he

can change your life like magic Shabbat

and I brought y'all here to get y'all

and shade go soldiers the God's army

okay

[Music]

what a shame

the cajones then did his homework okay

now we're gonna see how good y'all know

ghost he can don't forgot a question

asked but I don't want to get in trouble

it's past two bisexual cuz everybody

keeps saying it did you see something

[Music]

[Applause]

and what they call it might need a hero

when I hear it well weird you're gonna

hear it to help you just looking for the

pastor why here right now he'll be back

soon though you can sit and wait you

don't know what you're doing and get

even black funny yeah I found horrible

let's try this one more time okay guys

one two one two three go in

[Music]

where's Frankie Manny should've been

here by now

it's at least 200 people out there

waiting for the healing people expect in

the show we got to give it to him oh

he's gonna be here okay she's just a

girl they're just bad before now

Frankie make it tonight you can to 22

rehab some where anyway seeing this

change of circumstances I thought to

myself to be healed and you don't need

to be here yeah dude look at my leg so

much healing man you used to do back in

the 60s Thank You Frankie what did you

do me

Benny we all know God loves you I love

you you want to guys Brady's works i

want to call god i'm calling you guys

don't check the caller ID it's just me

trying to help you better

[Applause]

very entertaining show pastor too bad

both of you are fakes

what I know what you're doing you're

bamboozling the people you're leading

them astray you're tying them to

balloons and letting them go I'm

watching you I'm watching both

[Music]

I'm Reverend page please join us in our

annual couples-only counseling cruise

this year we've got a bigger boat and a

better cook to be blessed

remember it's Bethel yes this is brother

Ephraim where we say that again

thank you Roach stompers okay you want

to play we'll play you're doing such a

lot of work around this area for roaches

yeah I appreciate it this dude I've been

telling you about right here

Oh like a row stuffing guru semester she

lost a job and everything it's cool

you know but but you look good man to

suit dress down that's crazy cuz you

know I just I'm so used to you wearing

that bug outfit this dude was so

dedicated he used to sleep in that

uniform

oh hey tell him about the time with them

girl random Amtrak on him oh okay

next stop Oh Roach stop okay we ride a

corner man all right back

yo we got to get out of here man go kill

some more roaches you know about that

right you changed you you really change

you know what let's go like this do is

so Ali well you know you got a suit on

with no job you just got fired

[Music]

I'm a pastor right now I don't know what

all that was about little Amtrak train I

know it doesn't with your little

boyfriend for nothing I did that I know

how things go all right sometimes life

puts us in a situation that we can't get

out of it no but I like you Pastor don't

disappoint me I got my own

when it's notice

I'll see you get a little Steve Harvey

hairline going yeah being is bad baby

a revenues big crowd out there no Easter

no good girl

yeah see you later alright take your a

big Reverend a lot of people too

dependent on you guys I'm doing the

great thing here and thank you for

giving us chance no thank you

it's last the last turn now what you're

talking about is that man believes in

you

hey I mean I believe it's the last time

all right on this series let's go - damn

Siri Siri

that's a nice crowd right there boy he's

sneaky That's not me tell you probably

done with your man what she didn't okay

look it's Tonya know about us you know

about you and she know about me

you know we're not up you know you're

not a deacon you know you used to work

the Roach stompers she know everything

it's not my fault

Junior sharp okay that's first of all

shut up okay

second of all I want you to know

something I like Miss time okay she

liked me things was going really smooth

but that's besides the point we got a

much bigger problem

I must be the problem is this gang after

us they beat us with bamboo sticks

remember now he's $8,000 I did and you

got to get it okay

cuz you said you had to plan and what

did I tell you I was gonna do if the

plan didn't work no no I don't bless you

and they're gonna beat $10,000 ass with

because that was seven days ago now we

got compounded interest that's 10,000

with seven days interest that adds up to

a big ass I don't even know if you got

in the past okay let's get outta here

and get to some other right I'm gonna go

right behind you okay

right after you okay

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

you think there's a baby mamas idea me I

know I just saw them that's all that we

do mm yeah

brothers and sisters what an amazing

week amazing thanks but I stand before

you humble um see I I messed up this

week just screwed up bad son the babe

never meant to hurt nobody give me but I

got to come clean

you see I ain't a preacher oh she ain't

you baby this whole thing was a hustle

because I know the the karate kids the

money but what I really want to say is

y'all good people and I never set out to

hurt anyone

I did lie but it all sort of just

happened it's see that this money

dropped and then there was this chase

and then we were mistaken for

replacement ministers here at the church

and then I fell in love with this

beautiful woman a woman I could never in

this life hope to deserve

we bug exterminators Bob stop look at

his feet we should have known

[Applause]

you're missing the big picture

think about even though Freddie wasn't

no real minister he was pretty good one

yes all right

hey what about the clothes classic huh

real example if you got a dog

I know that cuz I got knocked out get

that man Tanya you got a whole ministry

[Applause]

and Benny oh yeah a lot of good things

have taken place in this church this

week greatest work that's what y'all

lookin at right now is it diagnosed

kleptomania see but after getting

knocked out cold s getting beat sticks

all about the face neck sad never steal

you that's all because the pastor and

the clothes not just like to see you

y'all should think possibly there wasn't

pastor Freddie jr. been going grabbed

all y'all about 510

I think I have a right to say something

here

[Applause]

this here is my church and young Freddie

has said that he admits to hustling us I

won't have it

I think you to have it all wrong the

both of them I hear what you're saying

junior about good deeds and I agree with

you but what I can't agree with is the

contention that Freddie hustled us you

think you hustle these people well I

think God hustled you until I could be

good you think you did that on your own

that was God's work when God speaks to

you like that directly son you must

listen your way all the way to the

hospital for the last time you're

supposed to be dead oh and you fake Don

Cornelius

so trains dancing pot locking and you

ain't nothing but a wolf and pimps

clothing Oh

make you the future mrs. Ephraim and

lookie here I know you better get all

that this chair for the webinar yep

what I'll give you a front row seat

friend you have raised eight of the ten

thousand dollars you need that correct

that's great well I think congregation

we have to help them out I think we

should make a collection the church is

supposed to help Souls in trouble we

have to help Freddie

because he held this church down now we

got a couple minutes travel music

where's my money

you got it he get I think it's time

[Applause]

move a little faster now get out of my

church

[Applause]

when you have some music

my pleasure rev do you believe this

happen

do they really stood up for us nobody

ever did that for me before we got to

change yes we up steel and that's what

it is yeah and be nice yeah it's like

the black Grinch you need to be nice now

which means black Grinch you don't like

nobody you take everything like the

Grinch don't give it back I'll borrow my

stuff all my stuff makes it is a

pawnshop and somebody else gives it so

really I'm giving it back okay Carly

Rama who that's my part you know and you

don't have real hard time because your

problem is that you're dumb so I don't

see how you can change that I mean he

was born like that I mean I would think

that anybody's dumb is it's not good a

default but God likes me more he likes

you cuz he made me lighter see I like

you going black not by accident

it's God well maybe it's time that you

got

[Music]

out to life join me Reverend page in my

house of worship five services every

Sunday we have a three tiered membership

plan 500 1500 and our gold membership

two thousand dollars to pacify with you

slow down you guys see a girl just as a

cheeseburger come by oh you guys are

only don't meet the crack-tip y'all sold

me Lance people to stuff me I get some

snacks instead of a turnip about ten

days get this stuff out of my body these

coats on transcode forgives you

Oh little dogs allowed in here what's

wrong

down down the street corn a mystery hey

see my little church member with some

gym shoes on in a trench coat what kind

of church church the new church of pet

detectives dough it just corn always

just play easy they're going on what do

we got this some [ __ ] go down yes your

ass I ain't messing with that thing over

there and you want to write the can

write to camber

Europe maybe you need to get saved

[Music]

don't disappoint me

[Laughter]

trying to tell y'all something

[Music]

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like just the way I'm feeling now

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