the

Jay Larson | Wrong Number | Stand-Up Comedy

your cell phone rings you don't

recognize the number what do you do

ignore it send a voicemail yeah not this

guy I answer it yeah exactly

opportunity potential who knows who

knows what it is the other day I was

driving down the 405 traffic phone rings

911 New York I'm like I don't know the

number

I hit talk I go hello guy on the other

line goes hey Bruce what's going on my

name is J not Bruce so clearly I go

nothing much man what's going on with

you and he goes I'll tell you what's

going on I just got an email about the

budget it's supposed to be 15,000 now

it's 10,000 I'd like to know what the

hell's going on and I grabbed the

steering wheels like all right [ __ ]

focus focus right now your name is Bruce

there's a budget it's 15,000 now it's

ten no one's happy about it just go with

it go with this I didn't know much I

only knew what he told me so I just set

it back and I go ten thousand it's

supposed to be fifteen thousand euros

yeah well I just got an email and now

it's ten and I go hey I don't know to

tell you man I'm on the road right now I

haven't even seen the email and he goes

are you behind this did you send it out

like get them Bruce some attitude you

know what I mean and I'm like no way I

am taking that there's no way and I go

listen bro the budget was fifteen

thousand we had a couple extra

expenditures and went up to 16 - I read

dick got it down to 14-7 we had 300 to

play with I called it 15 I sent it out

he goes yeah well now it's ted stay

focused stay focused

I'm not even enjoying it you know what I

mean I can't even laugh I have to stay

and like literally in it I was just in

it he goes did Larry okay this now he's

throwing Larry at me yeah so I go listen

I took it to Larry he said it look fine

but I news my ass on the line so I ran

up by Jennifer just in case she said it

looked good I sent it out he goes yeah

well no it's 10 and I was like this guy

has no idea what's going on over there

he hasn't talked to Larry he hasn't

talked to Jennifer I just made her up

clearly he is not spoken to Bruce he

goes listen man what are we gonna do

about this I go bro I'm on the road

right now I haven't even seen the email

why don't you call Larry check in with

him see what's going on give me a call

back literally like throwing the fishing

line out be like please say yes because

that phone call return is going to be

amazing and he goes he goes listen why

don't we wait till you get home you

check the email you call Larry you call

me back I go nah nah bro Larry knows way

more about this than I do give him a

call call me back he goes okay hangs up

the phone to which I explode with

euphoria because there's a small

business in New York somewhere that's

crumbling to the ground over $5,000 no

one can find Bruce no one's talked to

Larry and they don't know who the hell

Jennifer

I get home I'm so excited I call some

friends tell them what happened I think

to myself you know what I'm gonna save

that guy's number give a call in a

couple days check in touch base see

where we're at

save the number my phone under random

guy he's a random guy I don't think

about it a couple days past no big deal

laying on the couch watching the game

phone rings dining room table watching

the game get up pick up the phone look

down random guy and I think to myself

random guy

Oh monie random guy who the hell's

random guy and I was like oh now I'm

freaked out you know what I mean I'm in

my house they know where I'm at these

people's lives have been affected but

this is Who I am you know what I mean I

started this thing I'm gonna see it

through to the end that's how I saw this

put in my earbuds just get a little

distance just get some distance you

don't I mean I hit talk I go hello same

guy goes hey Larry what's going on now

he's calling me Larry he knows what's up

but I'm not gonna cave you know what I

mean and I go nothing much man what's

going on with you and he goes listen I

got us on conference call with Janelle

and Marie like I'm backing down from

Janelle and marimba so I go hey ladies

welcome to the call as if to say welcome

to the show here we go how long are we

gonna live for how long do you want me

to lie because I'm gonna go all the way

Marie she takes the lead she goes hey

Larry what time is it where you are and

I look at the clock and it's 5:30 and

they're a New York company so I go 838

they're like sprinkling more lies and

like I can fool them I can fool them she

goes really what's the weather like and

I go weather's nice weather is nice she

was really this doesn't sound like Larry

and I go oh yeah who's his sound like

and the guy who called both times he

chirps and he's like sounds like gross

that's my boy

like he's gonna blow this case wide open

and I go guys

this isn't Larry in this in this isn't

Bruce and she goes who is this and I was

like I'm just some dude who had nothing

better to do than to mess with you guys

Murray did not like that she got pissed

she started yelling me she's like we're

a small business trying oh my god I know

she's like you think this is a joke let

me ask you something do you let me ask

you something

and she goes what and I go we'll we had

with the budget

[Applause]