the

Karlous Miller Stand Up Comedy at The Laugh Factory 2018

yeah yeah get rid of the head get ready

get ready get ready get ready to go

start swinging on sick

get ready a [ __ ] get ready you ready

all right now this next one [ __ ] my

brain to this day this [ __ ] here is

crazy if you think out crazy if you died

Chico crazy if you got a P [ __ ] you

need to go Pete right the [ __ ] now

okay he bout to turn this [ __ ]

y'all don't see the dig all over L TV

y'all don't see the dig I love a be T

and you know he's falling or the 85

South Shore Long Beach start make some

noise right now for Carlos

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

oh-oh-oh

[Applause]

y'all I already know what it is we bout

to act a [ __ ] fool my dog in

the wheelchair say [ __ ] I'm gonna stand

up if you do it now like so now I got

the challenge bro we've been riding

around this [ __ ] all day bro y'all got

a beautiful ass City fine women

everywhere bro I saw a fish in a tree

house she live in a tree house they got

no type of women in California

Eskimos Alaskan Scandinavian ladies what

the single ladies in who like me cuz

that bro I brought it with me and some

condoms well what are they making these

condoms out of those now Teflon the

other way the condom on you feel like

you [ __ ] yourself while you hear all

you hear is the kind of I'm the only one

still wearing condoms okay no [ __ ] I

figured okay it is summertime pregnancy

season Oh about to be ignorant they are

already cussing us out they said we

really brought too many [ __ ] and they

can't let everybody in I was like maybe

if you took that dumbass that she'll

Chris Tucker out that [ __ ] don't even

look like Chris Tucker that [ __ ] look

like at all Don Cheadle [ __ ] young the

land factor this is a real factor ain't

even no roof in this [ __ ] that's crazy

well some money how you doing bro what

you from Long Beach looking like to do

who said Rolex is ensued

brother these gangster [ __ ] is getting

to of feminine bruh I saw a [ __ ] with a

pair of skinny shorts on today you can't

sit in front of me your balls is out sir

I am uncomfortable my [ __ ] what happens

to real guys all these [ __ ] dude nice

dance and smoke oh girl I got robbed by

one of these new feminine dance games he

hit the gun like this [ __ ]

give me our last [ __ ] take your shirt

off whoa this is my real life much looks

all these ladies with these big-ass

hairstyles that look like real hair then

you get home and she take that [ __ ] off

so [ __ ] what's up take your afro off

[Applause]

they used to the least glue em oh they

don't even grow them on them over and

wearing itches like hoodies don't be

hating the sideburns is hanging I like

that dumbass [ __ ] on you sweating

beijing and black jail stop stealing

this makeup from the drugs though ladies

you out here ruining shirts and pillows

and [ __ ] I had this girl at the hotel

she done left her whole face on the

pillow her

scared the [ __ ] out of Maria well it's

the person I don't know Maria bring me

another pillow she won't take no for

answer don't nobody to clean up the

hotel like them old Spanish grandmas but

it'd be worn over they don't talk to

nobody no English no English like this

English

you didn't just learn that much and stop

and no I don't want no service it is

4:30 in the morning it goes somewhere

else I thought she left I laid back down

went to sleep woke up she didn't made

the bed I'll clean the room I'm still in

the bed and when the [ __ ] did she come

fellas stop being so freaking you can't

be out here eating [ __ ] with your ass

in the air lay down

[Applause]

what if somebody break in he gonna shoot

shell freak against you doing so Buddha

in the air come on now

ladies you gotta call them out to sir

get your booty out there get under the

blanket your booty is in the answer lay

down white don't lay down get under the

blanket don't be out there with you ass

out yeah yeah how you doing that's your

man he looked like you'd be beating the

[ __ ] out of him

Hey look [ __ ] he looked like he's Joe

Aston and watch them dishing [ __ ] the

game oh okay all right

hello you've been married brood see she

can't even answer the question that's

her [ __ ] right there shut up

can't talk to him

but you got anything you wanna say I'll

even hold a live [ __ ] in she beating you

and looking a little your hands off his

hands look at this what they got puppet

hands on 15 years she beat up all your

side business dish I know you did you

like scaring without a scratch on your

face

come on I know every [ __ ] who could

fight when I see one

she got her [ __ ] slicked down on one

side that's my ass whuppin if you go

over there see she fighting [ __ ] -

she got brothers you're scaring the

white lady's are there about the fight

no white ladies y'all funniest [ __ ] man

stop being so goddamn scary

every time y'all see a black man y'all

grandma y'all got them person [ __ ] like

you strong [ __ ] you vegan if I want

that goddamn purse imma snatch the [ __ ]

out of that purse

Alison you think clutching is making it

safe if you don't sit there goddamn

purse down [ __ ]

I'll scatter white women bright this

club keep trying to set me up I'm in the

green room by myself they keep sending

the white girl with the big titties in

there can't get you anything

yes go get Tameka that's what the [ __ ] I

want the black waitress with a little

bit as pawns here that's what the [ __ ]

do you why they keep sending her if this

is set up hello I like this audience

Britain's a lot of laughs was there much

loves all the ladies who give a good

head all summer making this [ __ ] fine

I'm not giving good hair all summer just

making the summer fun and [ __ ] oh we

love hanging out with child the ones

who'll give good head don't it make you

feel like a better man for a good head

how you doing [ __ ] like putting money

and your savings account

cutting grass you'll be taking care of a

lawn and [ __ ] that is real life all the

women in here barely sucking these girls

gonna tell me I don't suck dick like

that I was like what you suck it like

them suck it like this [ __ ] that [ __ ]

you didn't order $70 let's take all that

protein you got some energy suck some

dick hey stands you with the head get

your head for eight seconds you ready

yeah for Samoa head what the [ __ ]

then you even sucking it right you

sucking my dick like you're trying to

open up a chick come on slow down teeth

are sharp

that's to me whatever taught myself how

to eat pudding I am gonna get my dick

sucked I feel like I should I'm a hell

of a [ __ ] I'm out hippie I'm a faithful

black man I'm straight

I like black women I go to church I

believe in God I take care of my son my

baby my man trippin why wouldn't you

[ __ ] with me you don't [ __ ] with [ __ ]

who was a lot of words you [ __ ] with

[ __ ] you don't had to go pick up and

suck dick come on [ __ ] I could at least

got myself over there come on now see

I'm not out here asking for [ __ ] that's

not my thing

I'm not asking from the bus I'm giving

away big this night about me this is

this is good big this ain't just this

not dollar me you dick this dick oh it

benefits you better [ __ ] me your credit

card I went up 13 points just like the

blue just for [ __ ] with a real [ __ ]

your edges is coming back in thick you

taking pictures like I'm living on these

[ __ ] got hang time you didn't lost

the look that a little weight in the

front I helped you get all that oh look

they think about that's some good dick

right there the dick bring back edges

[ __ ] lose a little push whoa ladies

stop hiding on your insecurities do you

know that me and freaky as hell

everything you insecure about we love

that [ __ ]

see how quiet it got who's like don't

tell the secret yes whatever the [ __ ] is

wrong with you we like that [ __ ] y'all

be trying to hide your stomach and [ __ ]

do you not know the [ __ ] who bout to

get that [ __ ] free concealing he been

seen that's lovely

you insecure cause you had some kids

that you got some stretch marks right

here a girl that is the road map to good

[ __ ] that's how you get to it you can't

be out here with no directions you gotta

read them stretch smart it's a story in

there tell you exactly how to get that

[ __ ] wet and leaves you right round the

edge you gotta rub the booty alright

you ain't a real negative your own bite

then little toss me a piece of booty

right there with her yeah if she

Hispanic it's gonna be brown but it's

right there woulda has to meet the leg

you proposed to bite that for good look

all the fellas white dudes is gonna be a

pink land right bite that yeah wonder

how white dudes pick with me cuz white

girls get drunk at the party get to

dancing like this and make it thank you

what do i do say when they see that [ __ ]

look at those [ __ ] hip bones ami so

[ __ ] hot

for whatever you knew I came to talk

some [ __ ] Hispanic ladies if you got a

man you better love the [ __ ] out of him

because they love the [ __ ] out of y'all

they do see they even clap if your lady

Hispanic you know you love the [ __ ] out

of her cuz the [ __ ] get big is

lieutenant after day what the [ __ ] did

you eat you shaped like a caprese I'm

pouch

[Applause]

and all the [ __ ] up [ __ ] I say that's

what makes y'all turn on me look he live

no more racism funny when it ain't your

turn

what's up my [ __ ] are you good

then she'll later right though huh yeah

black you get there pretty lady big

black Mississippi here yeah that mean

indicator puts the cut-up grant put a

spot on her car when the church will

grumbling I'll let that's what

Mississippi [ __ ] do what would he

teach you how you gonna volunteer some

[ __ ] you don't know yet oh how long you

been with uber three years season

evening hey lady fifteen-year can't say

[ __ ] gotta learn from the Mississippi

[ __ ] anybody else in Mississippi

what part remember Prentice yes [ __ ]

dumped down no that [ __ ] still look like

the fifties The Apprentice they got one

stoplight they don't even have a Walmart

number what bumblers bumpers they don't

even know what that is that's a low

version budget of Sonic

yeah most of them [ __ ] closed in 89

they still got one down there that [ __ ]

close they just st. get the mail it's

still going on ain't it

what you say you barely have sight what

the [ __ ] elected y'all to be too goddamn

council to just you know that I was just

gonna say whatever the [ __ ] y'all wanted

to do the whole show just kind of scam

me the girl with the what is that a

t-shirt it wasn't wrong

what is this

[Applause]

oh you're gonna make it seem like I'm

[ __ ] up like they don't do time

t-shirt I know what happened she had an

appointment to get her [ __ ] braided and

her style instinct and she's like

[ __ ] we still going [ __ ] [ __ ]

real hood [ __ ] in for being say some

wheel dragged their whole [ __ ] time

out

see see ladies the boys and girls don't

[ __ ] with them alright I've been up here

about three months let me go get the

[ __ ] out of here we didn't discuss

everything y'all feeling good and

welcome in this [ __ ]

but I love this your lady bro that's

your lady use the low down [ __ ] bro

[ __ ] them kid grow more light there

right what are you finding later brother

later was matter up business

you caught in a vulnerable moment in Sin

City live here affluent I'm leaving you

Frank

through a real [ __ ] that's who they

got their living good I got a big ass

craving Beverly much Lewis all the way

ladies out here adopting black me and

getting them out to ghetto

Christian I started that [ __ ] look she

covered her face oh my god you like I

love you be willing white lady hello

[ __ ] the [ __ ] up I can tell cuz you're

starting to sound like a black auntie 12

years

[Applause]

let me lead it's too [ __ ] up

y'all look at me bro boy boy

okay what my [ __ ] it they ready tell

you a winning play something [ __ ] y'all

know my daughter where if you've been

watching 85 I'll show you already know

what this is let me some [ __ ] you man

play that [ __ ] fatherhood shakes over

noon gotta tell you so well Oh much

louder ladies good night Italia got down

t-shirt bunny

[Music]