the

Tyree Elaine | Ex's Phone | Laugh Factory Stand Up Comedy

big surprise I'm single this [ __ ] is

wack all this stuff love me love me love

me [ __ ] stop

you need a [ __ ] me I need a man I

need help i need help i need assistance

i think the way all of it helped with

everything i need help bringing the

water upstairs all of it I need help

okay for every bill I pay by myself a

piece of me dies it's so unnatural

I'm wasting I'm disappearing this [ __ ]

is not normal so I didn't realize until

me and my man broke up how affectionate

I was like I'm so physically physically

affectionate and I didn't realize that I

like this this is on ways to always be

liking this stupid [ __ ] but I love this

you know how when a dude hold you from

behind and walks like how Mexican

teenagers be at amusement parks like

[Applause]

I hold walk down the aisle and I can

marry like that like a dumbass [ __ ]

okay so before I go let me tell y'all

why me and my man broke up okay so one

night one night man my man was asleep

I was asleep over his house at deep

sleep no [ __ ]

the Lord woke me clean up out of my

sleep and say I check that man's phone

there's a message in there for you from

us and I'm like Lord you owe me a lonely

whatever the funds I go through this

man's personal property like I'm

fearfully and wonderfully made that's

not even in me wait but I want to be

disobedient amina's God here got a nice

day here gonna phone so he's sleep on

his back right so I had to reach over

him to get to the phone he's snoring I'm

cruising he stopped snoring I stopped

moving he snore I'm of he stopped by

stop we're doing this for like 40

minutes all of this is no man is here

I'm shaking his sheep I'm wondering if

he doing this [ __ ] on purpose wondering

if I'm letting God and all it is right

so finally I get my hand on the phone I

didn't realize this we was in a

pitch-black bedroom there's a phones on

a charger like this long so yes so so

I'm bringing the phones to me all kind

of [ __ ] get knocked over all kind of

[ __ ] you know what I've got our lamp

with no lampshade a jar full of pennies

an empty bottle acts all kind of [ __ ]

nightstand noises matter

it was like that [ __ ] was screaming it

was falling to the ground but I didn't

let go of that phone because this was

bigger than me this could have saved us

you know I needed the message

so um still be the next da Vinci Code I

don't [ __ ] know so he looked at me I

looked at him I said what was that

and I turned over and I ran to that

phone and I said I found a message from

him to his ex saying that I am like a

sister to him and the first thing I

thought to myself was thank God I'm

[ __ ] two other [ __ ] myself cuz

that's gonna have the power to destroy

me thank you my name is Cyril

[Applause]

[Music]