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Why Michelle Obama Fell For Barack Obama| Essence Festival 2019 | ESSENCE

let's jump to meeting Barack Obama

meeting Barack Obama because you know he

did not seemingly make a good impression

on you the first meeting what he told me

he was late but did he have that walk

back then cuz I'm thinking we had that

walk that would be something that would

be impressive did he have that walk back

then he had the walk but let me tell you

the the precursor to meeting Barack

because i was his advisor you know my

job was to greet him on the first day in

law firm but there was all this hype

about him you know and it was like yeah

this is really smart black young men

from Harvard and you know I was thinking

this is a bunch of white people who

think the brother is so I was a little

suspicious I was like let me be the

judge they think I'm articulate right

it's like a brother can talk straight

and people are like oh he's amazing

that's not an anomaly well then I was

the old ladies I was kind of skeptical

because I was picturing but what a

Barack Obama on paper would look like so

it's like Barossa name to Barack Obama

you know I grew up on the south side of

Chicago with Robinson's and Smith's and

Joneses I didn't know no Barack Obama's

you know I didn't know that there were

black people in Hawaii yes I was a

little ignorant so I had the impression

of Barack Obama I'm Barack Obama from

Hawaii so I thought I was gonna be

meeting a nerd an intellectual nerd

right and then I talked him on the phone

and he had that Barack Obama voice it

was like hey how you doing

and I was like oh

I really did it was just like oh maybe

we could work with this

that boys didn't go with the picture of

that little nerd I had in my head you

know so I was like okay but but then he

was late and I was like trifling black

man coming late on the first day on the

first game on the first day he was late

but no he but he was impressed about

being late great he showed up late and

he had that walk like oh I'm so sorry

you know and I was like I wanna do you

late on your first day and you're not

even Russian he had that away slow walk

so he walked off I kind of looked at him

like what lucky for us it was okay then

he's late and he was driving a yellow

Datsun with a hole in it I'm thinking

about now you know we always love y'all

because I had a job and a song yes you

could see the hole in the ground he's

got a car picked me up in it where you

could literally see the sidewalk I was

like it's like is that the street and is

that the ground he's like yeah baby and

is it moving if we were moving in the

ground

it was arrest and he was like don't

worry about it it's fine it's fine

and how long have you and Barack Obama

been married now how many years have you

been married the show you're supposed to

know this right way it's a long time

y'all

right away it's like 26 27 years okay

Thank You Gail

he's good with the numbers in the dates

I am NOT but this is the thing in the

book you also talk about marital

counseling which I think surprised a lot

of people yes because most people don't

want you to know that they've been to

marital counseling which is lean for him

the only talk about I don't like to talk

about nothing y'all need to talk a lot

more get you some friends and talk

through these issues but yeah I'd hate

sharing that absolutely you know my view

is that it's like what I'm a man come in

here for Michelle's earring fell off

I got it y'all rescued the I don't

something bad it happened oh so tonight

I was like earthquake it's just the

earring y'all but you talked about

marital counseling yeah because there

are a lot of young couples who look up

to me and barak right it's like we're

all hashtag relationshipgoals

yeah and this is what we do we don't

tell the truth about the work of

marriage so young couples think that all

they see of us is the fist bump

and the love and I'm looking adoringly

at his speeches you know they don't know

I want to like kick him out the window

every man you know but that is the truth

of marriage and my view is that we can't

be up here as role models and not

telling people the truth about life and

relationships marriages work marriage is

hard

and that was soo okay with you sharing

that you know like a man he was sort of

like you you sure you wanna talk about

this and I was like yes get out of here

but no you know he understands the

importance as public figures so yes we

definitely would there were periods when

our kids were little because this is

marriage is all nice and cute and then

you have kids and they show up and they

take up all the oxygen in the land

that's why they make the babies cute

because you would leave them at the post

office

you would be like here I'm just done

with it you know

but that's when for us marriage get

stressful because you talk about this

equality thing going on until the babies

come it's like I was still the one you

know it's like he changes a diaper and

everybody cheers yeah like oh he's such

a good husband you know while I'm still

setting up day camp and they care and

the well child visits and the kids are

in the doctor's appointments the

babysitter's somebody gets sick who has

to take off work ooh it's me so so you

know part of having a good marriage is

being able to fight fair

yeah fight fair and fight so that you

don't disrespect each other absolutely

what was your strategy in terms if he

got on your nerves that you got on his

nerves did you all not talk did you all

scream did you all don't you do all of

the above yes we went through those are

the cycles of learning how to deal with

marriage you know but yep now we've

learned how to argue with each other you

know you learn what buttons not to put

not to push you know you learn how far

not to go and you have to this is what I

say and a lot of people say this

marriage is a choice you know it's a

choice that you make every day because

you don't do it because it's easy you do

it because you believe it it you believe

in the other person and ladies gentlemen

that's why it's so important to marry

somebody that you respect you know it's

it's important to marry somebody who is

your

equal and to marry somebody and to be

with somebody who wants you to win as

much as you want them to win I was

talking to a good friend of mine earlier

today about thinking about marriage like

we think about sports and like you

picking your team right I mean my

husband is my teammate and if if we are

gonna win this game together he has to

be strong and he has to be okay with me

being strong I do not want a weak player

on my team nor does he but sometimes

sometimes we accept weak in one another

because it feels easy you know and be

cautious of the man or woman who wants

just the easy person the person who's

not gonna force him to grow the person

who's not gonna expect them to change

who's not going to hold them accountable

because if you want to be on a winning

team just like you picked somebody you

wouldn't pick somebody off the bench

who's just gonna show up weak yes you

want to pick somebody that's going to

carry you through and those are the

things that get you over the hard time

but Michele you said something

interesting you said marry someone who's

your equal you know we're at a stage now

with many women out earn men and I think

that's very difficult for some men and

I've gotten to the place where I don't

want to be a nurse or a purse so when

you say marry somebody

I like that gal

[Applause]

like that so when you say and I would

like him to have his own teeth too

so when you say your equal what do you

mean by that you know an equality is not

just measured in terms of the wallet I'm

not just talking about oh you gotta be

this person or that person that equality

in terms of the values that they carry

you know it's like honesty you know I

mean look honesty for me is the

beginning the middle and the end I just

wouldn't want to be bothered with

somebody that I couldn't trust on a

day-to-day basis because so I'm

trustworthy so I expect my partner to be

trustworthy