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Where's the Bathroom? (feat. Tovah Feldshuh) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

WHERE’S THE BATHROOM!

WHERE’S THE BATHROOM!

I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE A BATHROOM

IN THIS HOVEL YOU CALL HOME.

I DON’T KNOW WHICH WAS BUMPIER THE PLANE RIDE OR THE TAXI

ALL THESE FREEWAYS ARE A NIGHTMARE WHERE’S MY PURSE, I NEED MY COMB.

BY THE WAY, YOU’RE LOOKING HEALTHY AND BY HEALTHY I MEAN CHUNKY

I DON’T MEAN THAT AS AN INSULT I’M JUST STATING IT AS FACT

I SEE YOUR ECZEMA IS BACK.

ARE YOU USING THE LOTION THAT I SENT YOU?

IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA USE IT I’LL RETURN IT TO THE STORE.

GOD, I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING AND STILL YOU JUST WANT MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE.

WHERE’S THE BATHROOM, WHERE’S THE BATHROOM

YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHERE YOUR BATHROOM IS!

IT’S UPSTAIRS

OK, FINE, I NEED THE WALK.

WELL, YOUR HOUSE IS OY YOY YOY CHARMING THOUGH SOME FLORALS WOULDN’T KILL YOU

DO YOU EVER GET A MAID HERE?

IT’S SO NICE TO SIT AND TALK.

SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE A VENDETTA AGAINST VASES?

AND WHEN DID YOU STOP WEARING MAKEUP?

ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU’RE NOT GAY?

I’D STILL LOVE YOU IF YOU WERE GAY IT WOULD EXPLAIN THIS VASE VENDETTA

PLEASE JUST TELL ME IF YOU’RE GAY.

AGAIN, I AM NOT GAY

DON’T INTERRUPT ME, YOU’RE ALWAYS WITH THE TALKING

I JUST GOT OFF A PLANE, GIVE ME A MOMENT TO CATCH MY BREATH

IT’S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO SINCE YOU LIVED INSIDE ME FOR NINE MONTHS

AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHERE THE HELL YOUR STUPID BATHROOM IS!

I SAID IT’S UPSTAIRS

OH RIGHT, THANK YOU

YOU CALL THAT A BATHROOM THAT’S WHAT PASSES FOR A BATHROOM?

THERE WERE NO BOWLS OF ROCKS OR ANY DECORATIVE SOAPS--

YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A BATH MAT WHO DOESN’T HAVE A BATH MAT?

IF YOU NEED A BATH MAT I CAN-- OH, DID YOU HEAR -

A BISHOP IN WISCONSIN SAID SOMETHING ANTI-SEMITIC SO THE TEMPLE HAS DECIDED TO BOYCOTT CHEDDAR

CHEESE--

EVERYONE ASKS HOW YOU’RE DOING “HOW IS LITTLE BECKY?”

“IS SHE STILL A BIG SHOT LAWYER?”

AND TO THAT I JUST SAY “PLEASE.”

YOU WON’T GET A HUSBAND THIS WAY-- AT LEAST YOU HAVE YOUR CAREER

OH WAIT, YOU THREW OUT YOUR CAREER TO CHASE THIS CALIFORNIA DREAM

I WASTED ALL THAT DOUGH ON HARVARD AND YALE FOR YOU TO BE LIVING IN A DUMP

IN NOWHERE, USA--

GETTING FATTER BY THE MINUTE ON THIS GREASY GOYISH FOOD

JUST PUT MY LUGGAGE IN MY ROOM COULD I GET A GLASS OF WATER, I’LL BE BACK

IN A MOMENT I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM

AGAIN!